NO. 1 LESSON FOR PARENTS
DON’T PANIC!
Pity the kids? Think of the poor parents. The run-up exams is just as stressful for them. It’s often the first time their child has been judged by the world, and they feel judged, too: those tough decisions about schools are put to the test. That – and realising the results are way beyond their control – is enough to make anyone panic.
BRIBERY
It’s easy to feel that other parents are providing the right blend of encouragement and colourful revision charts. The reality is that they’re just as likely to be reduced to bribery – offering cash for results.
COACHING
Hands-on tuition isn’t recommended. Some children appreciate the attention, but locking horns over textbooks can be counterproductive. A friend of mine, coached her son in English every night for six months, only to find that he went from a grade D to an E.
Terri Apter, a social psychologist at Cambridge University and the author of The Myth of Maturity, says, “If you want to coach, focus on the task in hand and be responsive: your teenager will tell you whether it’s useful or making him or her anxious or impatient.”
A WATCHFUL EYE
The problem for working parents is that they can’t be sure how much work is actually being done. Even if you’re home-based, it’s hard to know what goes behind closed doors and, more importantly, whether the revision is productive.
Apter says that parents shouldn’t be afraid to ask their children about the work they’ve covered during the day: “If a child isn’t doing enough it’s virtually impossible not to nag, but nagging can be structured. Work out a reasonable amount of revision time and designate a specific time of day for it. And if for some reason the time has to be changed, then the work also has to be reallocated. “Of course, that is often easier said than done.
HOW TO HELP
If the mention of revision increases tension, there are unobtrusive ways to offer help – such as delivering regular snacks, offering to test, or generally hovering, ready to explain things or to discuss problems.
According to Apter, that’s just as important with undergraduate offspring. She says, “Independent though they are in both practical and intellectual terms, university students still want emotional support, to know that their parents respect their efforts and that they’ll be forgiving if they mess up.”
Above all, Apter insists, it’s vital that all parents keep a sense of perspective about exams: “Remember, if your child doesn’t do well, it’s not like a horrible illness or injury. There are many more chances.”
Credits to: Celia Dodd
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