Steps

Define love The sincerity of the phrase is
strengthened by knowing what love is, and what loving someone means to you. Determine the difference between love, infatuation and lust, and make sure it’s genuine love that you feel for this person. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Make it special. For many people, dropping the “I” allows the sentiment to be expressed casually, such as before separating (e.g. “Time to go. Bye! Love you!”). Using the full phrase, however, can be reserved for more intimate moments, especially during a special event, such as when a child is just born, or even to reassure someone when bad news has been received or during moments of cherished silence, like after a kiss.

Make eye contact. If you love this person, hopefully you feel comfortable enough to gaze into their eyes when you express your feelings. Making eye contact shows sincerity and communicates trust.

Say it at an appropriate tone. If you’re at home and there’s not much background noise, keep your volume low; don’t whisper unless you bring your lips to their ear, which can also be a very intimate way to express your love. If you want to tell them how you feel in public, it’s up to you whether you want to pull the person aside, or say it in front of friends or even strangers. It depends on your loved one’s personality, and your own personality. Some will find it terribly romantic to be told they’re loved across a room full of people; others may find it mortifying.

Smile. It can be nerve-wracking to tell someone that you love him or her, only to wait anxiously for their response–especially if it’s the first time either of you have verbally expressed love. The best way to overcome this fear is to not expect the phrase in return. Your intention can be to tell the person how you feel, with the hope of making them happy and showing them that they are valued. Remember that unconditional love means not demanding anything in return. So smile, and perhaps give your loved one a hug. If they love you, too, they’ll say it in their own way and in their own time.

Be creative. Say it in different languages. Write it into a poem or even a haiku. If you want to be romantic, spell it out with rose petals on his or her bedroom floor. Write it in code, like 1337 or using a Vigènere cipher. Say it in little ways, like post-it notes in unexpected places, and express it in every way you can.

Love. Don’t just say it, do it. Love is not just a feeling; it’s an action. Saying it without showing it is, in a way, a lie. Express your love in action as well as in words. Children can show love for their parents by cleaning up their room without being asked. A person can send flowers to their partner in the middle of the week for no particular reason other than to show love. Acts of kindness for the one you love, without being asked, speak louder than words. Do things for your loved ones that they are not willing, likely or able to do for themselves.

Tips

Holding someone’s hand as you tell them you love them can also communicate sincerity and trust, but it can also convey a sense of subterfuge, which at a glance may suffice but will quickly be sniffed out by someone with a careful eye for lies; ergo, do not hold hands if you don’t mean it.

Love does not keep score. When you love someone, do not expect anything in return. There’s a difference between love and bartering… “I will do this for you if you will do that for me.” But always remember if you are asking something of your partner be willing to do it yourself. Don’t always expect that he/she understands what you need, be open and willing to express yourself.

Love is expressed differently by everyone. Be understanding and look for your partner’s ways of expressing it to you; they may not be the same as you do or what you want them to do, but in turn you may not be doing the things they want and they should look for your way.

The way men express their love for their girlfriends/wives is often overlooked. But this can include: opening jars, helping their wife remodel a room, making them furniture, doing outside chores (men generally hate inside chores if it doesn’t include power tools), lifting heavy things, going to a sappy movie with them, going to the woman’s favorite restaurant, showing affection in public, installing picture frames, killing spiders/mice/snakes, etc. Men love to kill.

Warnings

If love is unrequited, you need to be understanding and be caring towards the feelings of the object of your desire. At least they now know how you feel. It is not good to bottle up your feelings.
Saying “I love you” in the heat of passion for the first time might not be a good idea, as the person may question the sincerity of your pledge. Follow them up with actions of kindness.

The words “I love you” can lose their meaning in a relationship if used excessively and loosely, and if not paired with action.
If you truly love that person then don’t hurt her or him in any way whatsoever as it gives a negative impression that you are forcing them to love you.

It is important to pay attention to the things on this list that enhance the phrase. Our language today is peppered with “love,” “hate,” etc, when describing things that aren’t really deserving. This leads to the word “love” itself meaning less than it should. Remember, you are using simple, over-used words to communicate a very powerful emotion. It is important that other techniques are used to enhance this phrase, or else it merely comes across as trite.

More info @ wikiHow

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For historians the fact that it was common practice in past times to write love letters to objects of affection is well appreciated today. Much of what we have learned about day to day life of times gone by has come from this, especially as love notes are often cherished possessions that are kept for years, and perhaps even after the love has died the letters can remain.

Keep this in mind when you begin to write love letters. Use good quality paper and envelopes, and a pen that will not fade or smudge, and your letters should stand up to being folded and unfolded and reread throughout the years.

Unlike those love notes that are written on high quality paper, those that are scribbled on a napkin or written in lipstick on a mirror will not last forever. However, these spontaneous expressions of love will show your loved one that you are still thinking of them. They are spur of the moment decisions, and you may not always have the most ideal material on hand to convey your emotions.

When you write love letters, take your time and don’t rush. The time you spend means as much as the letter itself or the sentiments inside. Be specific. Mention things your partner may not know you care about, such as the way he holds his cup, or the way she touches her hair. Think each sentence over carefully before you write it down.

It is always good idea to keep the love letters safely if you are one of those lucky ones to receive them. Even if the love doesn’t last, it is wise to keep them somewhere until your heart is healed. Twenty years from now, they will help you to remember those old sweet days.

A well written love letter will be kept for years, decades or more, passed on as family heirlooms. More importantly, they will bring joy to your love right now, and in todays ever faster moving world, a love letter is an unexpected gift.

Writing love letters is almost a lost art due to technology. Throughout history people have written letters and others have treasured those letters. To write love letters you should take the time to think about what you want to say and use quality materials that will last. That’s not to say that spontaneity doesn’t have its place. To write romantic love letters all you may need is lipstick on a mirror or the back of a napkin. And it is possible to write romantic emails if one chooses to do so. Despite how you may choose to write them, love letters are always to be cherished.

Ron Thomson

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Do we even care about our own safety precautions at work? Especially for YOU who works in the office every 5 days during office hours. No matter what, your health come first! So, get the best tips @ Safe Office Practice website.

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An acquaintance of mine, whose health isn’t very good, recently told me that she hasn’t spoken to her son in almost three years. “Why not?” I asked. She said that she and her son had had a disagreement about his wife and that she wouldn’t speak to him again unless he called first. When I suggested that she be the one to reach out, she resisted initially and said, “I can’t do that. He’s the one who should apologize.” She was literally willing to die before reaching out to her only son. After a little gentle encouragement , however, she did decide to be the first one to reach out. To her amazement, her son was grateful for her willingness to call and offered an apology of his own. As is usually the case when someone takes the chance and reaches out, everyone wins.

Whenever we hold on to our anger, we turn “small stuff” into really “big stuff” in our minds. We start to believe that our positions are more important than our happiness. They are not. If you want to be a more peaceful person you must understand that being right is almost never more important than allowing yourself to be happy. The way to be happy is to let go, and reach out. Let other people be right. This doesn’t mean that you’re wrong. Everything will be fine. You’ll experience the peace of letting go, as well as the joy of letting others be right. You’ll also notice that, as you reach out and let others be “right”, they will become less defensive and more loving toward you. They might even reach back. But, if for some reason they don’t, that’s okay too. You’ll have the inner satisfaction of knowing that you have done your part to create a more loving world, and certainly you’ll be more peaceful yourself.

Let Others Be “Right” Most of the Time

One of the most important questions you can ever ask yourself is, “Do I want to be ‘right’ – or do I want to be happy?” Many times, the two are murtually exclusive!

Being right, defending our positions, takes an enormous amount of mental energy and often alienates us from the people in our lives. Needing to be right – or needing someone else to be wrong – encourages others to become defensive, and puts pressure on us to keep defending. Yet, many of us (me too, at times) spend a great deal of time and energy attempting to prove (or point out) that we are right – and/or others are wrong. Many people consciously or unconsciously, believe that it’s somehow their job to show others how their positions, statements, and points of view are incorrect, and that in doing so, the person they are correcting is going to somehow appreciate it, or at least learn something. Wrong!

Think about it. Have you ever been corrected by someone and said to the person who was trying to be right, “Thank you so much for showing me that I’m wrong and you’re right. Now I see it. Boy, you’re great!” Or, has anyone you know ever thanked you (or even agreed with you) when you corrected them, or made yourself “right” at their expense? Of course noy. The truth is, all of us hate to be corrected. We all want our positions to be respected and understood by others. Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the  human heart. And those who learn to listen are the most loved and respected. Those who learn to listen are the most loved and respected. Those who are in the habit of correcting others are often resented and avoided.

It’s not that it’s never appropriate to be right – sometimes you genuinely need to be or want to be. Perhaps there are certain philosophical positions that you don’t want to budge on such as when you hear a racist comment. Here, it’s important to speak your mind. Usually, however, it’s just your ego creeping in and ruining an otherwise peaceful encounter – a habit of wanting or needing to be right.

A wonderful, heartful strategy for becoming more peaceful and loving is to practice allowing others the joy of being right – give them the glory. Stop correcting. As hard as it may be to change this habit, it’s worth any effort and practice it takes. When someone says, “I really feel it’s important to…” rather than jumping in and saying, “No, it’s more important to…” or any of the hundreds of other forms of conversational editing, simply let it go and allow their statement to stand. The people in your life will become less defensive and more loving. They will appreciate you more than you could ever have dreamed possible, even it they don’t exactly know why. You’ll discover the joy of participating in and witnessing other people’s happiness, which is far more rewarding than a battle of egos. You don’t have to sacrifice your deepest philosophical truths or most heartfelt opinions, but, starting today, let others be “right”, most of the time!

Richard Carlson PHD

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The first thing that comes to my mind is that we patronize them immensely. Our language gives a sense of how we are looking down to them. We assume this high and mighty attitude – that there is a superiority of intelligence on our part. We give them the impression that they have difficulty in understanding ‘smart’ things. We water down our language presumably to adjust to their level – obviously a lower level, at times very low indeed. Then, we wonder why they are not growing intellectually. Interestingly, we have ingrained in them the concept of they do not have what it takes to think for themselves. Indirectly, we cripple their intellectual development.

The second thing we adults love doing is to continuously command them to do things. We enjoy imperatives – always telling them what to do. Seldom, do we interact with them in a discourse by which their opinions are important. Often, they are not even given the space to say what they want to say – or when they do – they are thumped down because that view does not agree with the adult view. They are consistently drummed with the idea that they should not trust their opinions – because they are ‘young’ – so they do not know enough. Sadly, we do not even allow them to work out their own thinking processes. We just insist on feeding them with our own conclusions and values. Most of the time, the child does not even get a chance to even allow what is in their minds to peer out into this world. Ideas and thinking processes are killed before they have even begun to grow.

The third thing is of course to me the most disturbing. We focus on children’s negatives. We nurture their weaknesses by focusing so much on them – overlooking the most important law of the universe ‘WHAT YOU FOCUS ON WILL EXPAND’.

How would you feel if everyday there is someone there in the house to remind you on how lazy you are – on how disorganised you are – on how weak you are in your subjects? Would that really inspire you to do better? Would that help you to get rid of all your unwanted behaviour? Would it bring out the best in you and increase your self-esteem and wanting to achieve? When our children do good – the compliment is fast and brief. But, the moment they break the rules – they will be bombarded constantly with a barrage of missile-like berating that can kill anyone’s spirit to move on. Mistakes are not tolerated. They are made to believe that those weaknesses are sins and they may never be forgiven. Is that the real world?

Do adults go around unblemished and perfect in everything they do? Are mistakes not the substance of life – teaching us and helping us to advance further? Seems like we adults demand something from our children that we ourselves cannot deliver. Think about that for a change!

Imagine this scenario, teacher complaints to parents about this child’s lack of focus in class and loves to play around. Parents go home and continue to throw negative, threatening and accusative words to the child. In school, through ‘conventional wisdom’ teachers believe it is their responsibility to continue to ‘scold’ and ‘punish’ the child. Tell me where can this child find peace and comfort? So are we surprised that children who experience this will find another outlet – that environment where there are peers who understand what they are going through, peers who do not judge them and accept them for who they are? Peers who make them feel that they are of some ‘worth’? A very real human need!

So, rather than blame the negative influences of today’s world, lets first ask ourselves what we have done or not done to help push our children away from us. And it all starts with that one person called ‘me’.

“Be the change that you want the world to be.” Mahatma Gandhi

Parents are often at a loss when children start bawling and throwing tantrums especially in front of others or at a public place. As a result, to reduce the embarrassment , they may just give in to the child’s demands.

This may solve the short term problem but it will support a long term negative behaviour. Children must learn from an early age that kicking and throwing yourself around will not get you anywhere.

What can you do?

• Stop reacting to the behaviour. Just observe it without any comments – positive or negative. If you are worried that the child will hurt himself or herself remove anything that may cause him harm. In other words stop communicating with the child the moment he or she goes into one of these modes.

• Isolate him. Walk away if you can. Continue your normal routine as though nothing is happening. Get everyone in the family to do this as well. Remember what you focus on will expand.

• Positive Stroke! Give the child positive stroke only when he stops on his own. Praise him because he or she has made a good choice to stop that behaviour.

• Make him aware.When he or she is out of that mode – get the child to be aware of the behaviour. “When you want something and you do not get it – you will throw yourself on the floor…Are you aware of that?” Your tone should be normal – not in anger. Awareness is the beginning of change. “I just want you to know that that behaviour is not going to get you anything”.

• Help him face it! Video the behaviour if possible. Let the child watch it when he or she is calm. Facing yourself is an important part of transforming yourself.

• Punish if necessary. Use punishment only if the child she uses this behaviour too often to get what he or she wants. This is especially so for children who do this in front of strangers like when you have visitors. The child here is manipulating because he or she knows you will have to give in to avoid being embarrassed. The punishment should be age appropriate.

• Catch him or her doing good! Notice the times he or she did not throw tantrum when they wanted something from you. Praise them and tell them how much you appreciate that behaviour.

What you should not do!

• Bribe him or her into stopping the behaviour. You are simply feeding the behaviour and encouraging it even more by rewarding it. I have seen educators who offer sweets to such children probably just to shut them up. That is the last thing you want to do.

• Avoid reasoning with the child. The behaviour is not reasonable so do not use logic at this stage. No promises should be given either at this point.

• Prevent yourself from touching him or her. The body likes to be touched. He or she is getting the wrong signals that this is the way to get affection and attention.

• Stop feeling guilty about it. This is exactly what your child wants you to feel in the hope that you will give in. Stand firm and do not budge.

• Physical violence is not good role modelling. We do not want to teach the child to solve problems by using this method.

This is the most common question I get from parents. It has kept me thinking and wondering how do I manage this. The one thing I know is that this is not an overnight thing. So here goes!

Kindly visit this website for more details regarding your children and stuffs which related.

Superminds Singapore

Awakened one night last year by strange crashing sounds, Nisha Kadir went to check on her 12-year-old son, Irfan. Not finding him in his room, she looked out of the window and was astounded to find him sitting precariously on a ledge atop their three-storey house in Singapore.

Although he didn’t resist when she told him to come in, Nisha knew things were not right. Checking the ledge the next morning, Nisha found candy wrappers, empty Coke bottles and cookie crumbs – showing it had been a regular haunt for some time.

Withdrawn and silent for the past few months, Irfan’s grades had been dipping despite extensive tuition classes.

“I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong, but he has become a total stranger to me,” says Nisha.

Like Nisha, many parents feel helpless when their teenager refuses to fall in line. Alternating between belligerence and sullen silence, the teen may frustrate all attempts at communication. Even so-called “good” teenagers many disengage from their parents and develop a separate life with their all-important friends. As such, many parents give up trying to stay close.

“That could have damaging results,” says Mumbai psychiatrist Dayal Mirchandani. “When the parent withdraws prematurely, the child withdraws even further, and the bond between them is weakened.”

But isn’t it natural and healthy for teens to pull away from their families? Apparently not. New research suggests that teenage children need their parents as much as younger children do, especially during the vulnerable 13-to-16 years. The National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health, which has followed more than 12,000 American teenagers since 1994, concluded that being “connected” to family members protects teens against high-risk behaviours like unprotected sex and drug use.

And what exactly does “connected” mean? Not just the sense of being loved but also the physical availability of the parent during the child’s day – before or after school, at dinner or bedtime. Other documented benefits of a strong parent-teen connection: fewer weight-related concerns and eating disorders, a smoother transition to secondary school and fewer conflicts in the teen’s personal relationships. Teens who feel insecure in their connection to their parents have a higher risk of drug abuse, aggressive and delinquent behaviour – even suicide.

“There is a ‘pull-push’ factor for parent-teen relations,” says Carol Balhetchet, the director of the Youth Services at the Singapore Children’s Society. “Teens who grow up with family problems tend to push their parents out of their lives and gravitate towards the pull of their friends.”

Called “peer orientation,” according to Gordon Neufeld, a Canadian development psychologist, teens begin to take their behavioural cues from their peers, not from their parents.

“The problem is that these friends become their moral compass,” explains Neufeld. “Peer-oriented teens don’t wish to live up to their parents’ values and don’t take parental rejection to heart.” Typically, says Nuefeld, “teen become more difficult to parent, harder to teach, more aggressive, less mature and emotionally hardened.”

So how do you stay connected to a teen who seems to crave nothing but distance from you? Here are some strategies that parents and parenting experts have found to bring parents and teens closer together:

FIX THE RELATIONSHIP FIRST

Chan Kam Weng, the father of five in Johore Bahru, was livid when his telephone bill soared to $200 one month. He had found that his son, then 17, had been making long midnight telephone calls to a girlfriend.

“I work long hours and have to commute from one country to another to provide for the family. It bothers me to think that he thought nothing of the sacrifices I’ve made,” he says.

Afraid that his lack of attention had led his son tomix with the wrong crowd, Chan sought advice from friends, who advised him to have a serious talk with his son. He also drew a chart of the monthly expenses, with the phone bills occupying the largest percentage, and pasted it on the kitchen wall. “He hadn’t realised his calls would cost so much. Once I did the sums with him, he started reducing his calls,” Chan says.

“Our privileged children have a different idea of what basic needs are and have no inkling of their parents’ hardships,” says Balhechet. “In the rush for a better life, many parents forget their children need their guidance and time.”

LEARN TO COMPROMISE

When your teen takes your car out without your permission, it’s easy to fear the worst: driving today,

illegal racing tomorrow, drunken driving the next day.

“You’ve got to remember the issue here is the driving, not the car,” says Teoh Hsien-Jin, a consultant clinical psychologist and Head of School of Health and Natural Sciences at Sunway University College in Malaysia. The author of 29 books, including How to Talk to Teenagers, he had a client who complained that her 17-year-old didn’t talk to her any more because she wouldn’t let him use her car. “Saying ‘no’ only strengthens his desire to drive. Why not get him professional driving lessons so he knows the safety rules,” says Teoh. Compromising helps you determine and tackle the real problem so it doesn’t get entangled with other emotional issues.

CHOOSE YOUR PLACE

Many teens resist the heart-to-heart talks touted as ideal by some psychologists. They’re more likely to talk, and listen, to you while you’re engaged in another activity, such as shopping or driving in the car. In such a context, revelations seem more casual and incidental, allowing the teen to save face.

The truth doesn’t always come in transparent packages, however. When you ask your son whether he’d like you to attend his football game and he answers, “Guess so. If you want,” assume he really wants you to go.

MAINTAIN FAMILY RITUALS

Family rituals such as eating dinner together shouldn’t end when the child reaches 13, say C. J. John, the head of the department of mental health at Medical Trust Hospital in Kochi, India. “Rituals help in bonding and providing a sense of security,” he says. “Teenagers don’t acknowledge this openly, but rituals tell them that you’re still very concerned about their well-being.” When Reader’s Digest polled over 3000 teenagers in July 2005, many kids said they simply wanted to eat dinner with their parents.

A caveat: “Time spent with the family can be much more rewarding if it’s understood that arguing is not allowed,” says psychiatrist Mirchandani. That means you’re not allowed to discuss his poor report card at the dinner table.

PUT YOURSELF IN YOUR TEEN’S SHOES

Parents often compare their own teenage lives with their children’s, forgetting that youngsters today are more stressed than they ever were. The preoccupation with examination results across Asia means that most teenagers go from school to one tutor after the other, leaving little time for socialising and relaxation.

“Parents also place very high expectations on their kids,” says Balhetchet. “Give them some breathing space. Sometimes that’s all it takes for them to start talking to you again.”

FIND COMMON GROUND

When asked how she stays connected to her two teenage children aged 11 and 14, Nasha Abdullah, a travel agent from Kuala Lumpur says, “We never got disconnected in the first place. I always try to bond with them through a common interest.”

Music served as a bridge with her children. “I brought them to the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert when we were holidaying in Sweden. They weren’t old enough to go on their own, and they thought it was cool that I would go with them.”

SPEND TIME ALONE WITH YOUR TEEN

When psychologist Gordon Neufeld became worried about his 13-year-old daughter’s slavish imitation of her peers’ language and bearing, he booked a week-long vacation with her at a rented cottage. Predictably, Natasha balked at the plan, “but we gradually rediscovered the closeness we’d had when she was younger,” Neufeld recalls. “When the week was over, we both agreed that it had been a great idea.”

LOSE THE LECTURES

“Most teenagers think their parents are weird,” says Teoh from Malaysia. “They get confused when their parents tell them to behave like responsible youngsters, yet treat them like little children by lecturing them all the time.”

Lectures can cause your teen to disengage rather than connect with you. Instead of doing all the talking, put the thinking cap on your child’s head. For example, if your daughter brings home a poor report card, ask her how she plans to handle the situation. Keep it short and express your confidence in her abilities.

It took a long talk to help Nisha and her son unlock their horns. “I asked Irfan if there was something bothering him. He confessed that he hated school because a senior had been extorting money from him.”

Nisha told the school principal, who disciplined the bully. “Irfan and I are closer now,” says Nisha. “He saw that I was really concerned about him and was ready to listen to his problems.”

Credits to: Chan Li Jin

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The tradition of exchanging or even gifting rings was previously popular in the countries like Greece, Rome, etc. There rings stood as a formal agreement between the two people accepting a marriage proposal so they became popular being the engagement rings.

An engagement ring is to be worn by a woman in left hand’s ring finger which indicated of she being engaged for marriage. The ring is worn in this finger because the vein of love from this finger directly connects heart. But today it has become a popular fashion all over the world. Which is one of the most strongest reason for the diamond rings becoming popular.

So, today it is a common tradition for both the groom and as well as the bride to choose a diamond ring for their mates. But then it is not easy to choose diamond ring, because it is a matter of gift for your love, which ultimately means no compromises.

But some important tips can help you out here to choose that perfect diamond ring for your love:

# First of all it is very important to decide about your budget. Only then you can decide what kind of a diamond ring you can afford to buy.

# Never walk in to a jewel showroom without having a good enough idea of the article that you are going to buy. Otherwise you may end up wasting your money in something that you later realize is not of your choice.

# Always keep in mind that the price of diamonds truly depend upon their cuts, shape and clarity and carats. If there are any scratches or anay other defect in it never dare to buy that diamond.

# There are numerous kinds of cuts available in a diamond. So always insist on showing the cuts until you are satisfied with one. But remember the prices also vary and sometimes to a great extent depending upon the cuts. The cut you choose may vary depending upon your budget and purpose.

# The price of the diamond also varies because of the carats in it, the more the carat the larger will be the diamond. But for the purpose of engagement ring three carat is considered to be an ideal one.

# Then comes the color of the diamond which can also vary depending on the purpose for which you are buying it. Generally people buy the diamonds which are white or simply colorless but of you like for a change you can always opt for the fancy colored diamonds, which are equally beautiful. The price also varies on the basis of the colors and sometimes even higher than those of the white diamonds. Let me tell you that out of all the colors the yellow diamonds are the most popular ones.

# And the last and the final thing that you have to decide is the metal to be used in the engagement ring. Well, there is no such compulsion of going with the gold rings only as you can easily go for metal like platinum which is something really expensive and beautiful. But her the most deciding factor will be your budget. So choose where your budget allows your best. And you can also go in for the white gold if you can not afford the platinum metal.

So, choose wisely!

Credits to: Yellow Diamond Blog

bonds them and connects them in a unified link of trust, intimacy and interdependence. It enhances the relationship and comforts the soul. Love should be experienced and not just felt. The depth of love can not be measured. Look at the relationship between a mother and a child. The mother loves the child unconditionally and it can not be measured at all. A different dimension can be attained between any relationships with the magic of love.Love is patient, love is kind. It has no envy, nor it boasts itself and it is never proud. It rejoices over the evil and is the truth seeker. Love protects; preserves and hopes for the positive aspect of life. Always stand steadfast in love, not fall into it. It is like the dream of your matter of affection coming true. Love can occur between two or more individuals. It Love can be created. You just need to focus on the goodness of the other person. If this can be done easily, then you can also love easily. And remember we all have some positive aspect in us, no matter how bad our deeds maybe. And as God said “Love all”

complexity. But at times the very existence of love is questioned. Some say it is false and meaningless. It says that it never exist, because there has been many instances of hatred and brutality in relationships. The history of our world has witnessed many such events. There has been hatred between brothers, parents and children, sibling rivalry andDepending on context, love can be of different varieties. Romantic love is a deep, intense and unending. It shared on a very intimate and interpersonal and sexual relationship. The term Platonic love, familial love and religious love are also matter of great affection. It is more of desire, preference and feelings. The meaning of love will change with each different relationship and depends more on its concept of depth, versatility, and spouses have failed each other. Friends have betrayed each other; the son has killed his parents for the throne, the count is endless. Even the modern generation is also facing with such dilemmas everyday. But “love” is not responsible for that. It is us, the people, who have forgotten the meaning of love and have undertaken such gruesome apathy.

In the past the study of philosophy and religion has done many speculations on the phenomenon of love. But love has always ruled, in music, poetry, paintings, sculptor and literature. Psychology has also done lot of dissection to the essence of love, just like what biology, anthropology and neuroscience has also done to it.

Psychology portrays love as a cognitive phenomenon with a social cause. It is said to have three components in the book of psychology: Intimacy, Commitment, and Passion. Also, in an ancient proverb love is defined as a high form of tolerance. And this view has been accepted and advocated by both philosophers and scholars. Love also includes compatibility. But it is more of journey to the unknown when the concept of compatibility comes into picture. Maybe the person whom we see in front of us, may be least compatible than the person who is miles away. We might talk to each other and portray that we love each other, but practically we do not end up into any relationship. Also in compatibility, the key is to think about the long term successful relationship, not a short journey. We need to understand each other and must always remember that no body is perfect.

Be together, share your joy and sorrow, understand each other, provide space to each other, but always be there for each others need. And surely love will blossom to strengthen your relationship with your matter of affection.

Credits to: Love-Pessions

But then, after explaining about the meaning of each colour, I started to realise something which is truthful. Pink helps to control my emotional well being. He even said that I used to be so emotional and started to listen to all kinds of emotional song. This is true. Very true indeed. So, I would like to share with you the experience being tested in knowing about my EQ (Emotional Quotient range). From what I knew, people always keep saying about having an high IQ level will help you succeed in whatever you do. But that’s not true!! That was an old story ok. We’ve been brainwash by all kind of wrong information. No wonder I keep on seeing people with high IQ level but missing most of their EQ range.

You should know what does the expert says about it. Open your eyes wider this time and don’t be too arrogant saying that having a high level of IQ, you’re smarter than anyone does. ;)

Julie B. Thibodeaux, M.C.P. and D. Stephenson Bond, L.M.H.C says: Is your intellectual intelligence the greatest predictor of what you�ll accomplish in life?

We have been conditioned to believe that IQ is the best measure of human potential. In the past 10 years, however, researchers have found that this isn’t necessarily the case — that in actuality, your emotional intelligence quotient (EQ) might be a greater predictor of success.

What is emotional intelligence? In the early 1990s, Dr. John Mayer, Ph.D., and Dr. Peter Salovey, Ph.D., introduced the term “emotional intelligence” in the Journal of Personality Assessment. They used this term to describe a person’s ability to understand his or her own emotions and the emotions of others and to act appropriately based on this understanding. Then in 1995, psychologist Daniel Goleman popularized this term with his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

Poisoneyes: Here are my test. You should test your’s too!

Not to worry about your scoring. It doesn’t matter anyway. Regardless of your score, keep in mind that your emotional intelligence can change. People are always evolving. You can increase your EQ at any point in your life by learning to identify your emotions and taking responsibility for those emotions.

You scored 90% correct!

Your score falls in the high EQ range.

Answers:

1. Situation: A friend has borrowed something small, but high in sentimental value. You’ve asked for your friend to return the item, but your friend has failed to bring it back.

Answer: You admit to your friend how important the item is to you and why you would like it back, and ask your friend to return the item to you.

2. Situation: Your long-term mate has ended your relationship and you are upset because you wanted the relationship to continue.

Answer: You decide to make the best of it and find healthy outlets for your feelings.

3. Situation: Your mate has a habit that annoys you more and more each day.

Answer: You tell the person what annoys you and why.

4. Situation: Your boss has assigned you your first big project, and the success or failure of the project could make or break your career.

Answer: You take a few minutes to relax, give yourself time to think, and decide to pursue the idea that makes you feel most confident.

5. Situation: You are walking down the street, suddenly trip, and almost land flat on your face.

Answer: You regain your poise, laugh at yourself, and continue on your way.

6. Situation: You are on a first date, and you notice that your date seems to be very uncomfortable.

Answer: You make an effort to get your date involved in a conversation and find out more about him or her.

7. Situation: You find out that the promotion you were hoping for was given to someone else.

Answer: You continue to do your best; you know the next promotion is yours.

8. Situation: Your significant other is spending a lot of extra time at the office and acting distant.

Answer: You talk to your partner about what is going on at work and see if there is anything you can do to help.

9. Situation: You are hanging out with a group of friends and one of your friends starts to make a negative comments about a friend who isn’t there.

Answer: You tell your friend that you don’t feel comfortable talking about people who aren’t there, and change the subject.

10. Situation: Your best friend has recently broken up with a mate and is taking it hard.

Answer: Ask your friend what you can do to help him or her get through this rough time, and do it.

Why are these answers correct?

Each answer represents the concept of emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence is about having empathy for others. It is about standing up for what you believe in a tactful and respectful way. It is about not jumping to conclusions, but getting the whole picture before you react. The key to emotional intelligence is an understanding of your emotions and the emotions of others, and acting in the most appropriate way based on that understanding.

Having a healthy emotional intelligence is very important in order for human beings to live happy and successful lives. Healthy emotional intelligence helps us set our personal boundaries, make decisions about our lives, and communicate with the people we love.

Regardless of your score, keep in mind that your emotional intelligence can change. People are always evolving. You can increase your EQ at any point in your life by learning to identify your emotions and taking responsibility for those emotions. And just as easily as you can increase your EQ, you can also decrease it. You must continue to identify and work on areas within yourself that need work.

Regardless of your emotional intelligence level, you could benefit from some of these tips to increase emotional intelligence:

• Go to the gym, take an exercise class or participate in activities that reduce your stress level.
• Take up a new hobby or sport that involves interacting with other people.
• Take a class at your local community college.
• Join a support group.
• Keep a feelings journal.
• See a counselor to help you deal with your emotions.
• Take an anger management course.
• Enroll in a communication skills course.
• Read books about emotional intelligence and social skills.
• Do emotional intelligence workbooks.
• Ask your friends and family to help you recognize the things about yourself that may need correcting.

Best of luck on your journey!

Sources:

Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam Books.

Mayer, J.D., DiPaolo, M.T., and Salovey, P. (1990). “Perceiving affective content in ambiguous visual stimuli: A component of emotional intelligence.” Journal of Personality Assessment, 54, 772-781.

Resources: iVillage

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• Dr Sir Norhisham Wahab

It’s Lunch Time in Mexico City, and a young man follows a slim girl wearing dark glasses into a restaurant. Without looking behind her, she lets the heavy glass door swing closed, almost smashing him in the face. In a stationery shop in Seoul, meanwhile, a female customer wants to buy a disposable pen. It’s a minor purchase, but 56 year old store owner Jang Byung-eun takes the time to talk her through a variety of different models. When she makes her purchase, he says a friendly “Thank you.”

Rain and wind are lashing the Nolendorfplatz, central Berlin, as estate agent Nicole Hatzijordanou, 34, struggles through the morning rush-hour crowds, her broken right arm in plaster after she slipped on ice. A head of her, a young woman drops a yellow folder, scattering papers everywhere. Dozens of commuters walk on by, but Nicole rushes over and picks up the sodden documents, gently shaking the water off each one. When thanked, she jokes, “Well, I still have one good arm!”

Our Three Tests

The young man risking a broken nose, the customer in South Korea and the woman with the unwieldy documents were no ordinary members of the public. Each was a Reader’s Digest researcher taking part in a unique test to see how polite people are around the world.

From Thailand to Finland, from Buenos Aires to London, people worry that courtesy is fast becoming a thing of the past. Service in shops has become surly, they say, youngsters have lost respect for their elders. Lynne Truss, in her international bestseller Talk to the Hand, claims that we live in “an age of lazy moral relativism combined with aggressive social insolence” where common courtesies are “practically extinct.”

But is such pessimism justified? We sent undercover reporters – half of them men, half women – from Reader’s Digest editions in 35 countries to assess the citizens of their most populous city. In each location we conducted three tests:

• We walked into public buildings 20 times behind people to see if they would hold the door open for us.
• We bought small items from 20 shops and recorded whether the sales assistants said “Thank you.”
• We dropped a folder full of papers in 20 busy locations to see if anyone would help pick them up.

To let us compare cities, we awarded one point for each positive outcome and nothing for a negative one, giving each city a maximum score of 60. We did not attempt a strict scientific survey; it was the world’s biggest real-life test of common courtesy, with more than 2000 separate tests of actual behaviour. Here’s what we dicovered.

Wonderful Town

They have a reputation for being big-headed, but New Yorkers showed they are big-hearted too, by finishing first in our global courtesy ratings.

They placed in the top five in all three tests and were particularly polite at holding doors open, with only two people failing to do so. “I don’t even think about it,” said syndications assistant Kirsten Chieco, who held the door at one of the Starbucks coffee shops where the tests were done. “Most New Yorkers are courteous.”

Surprised? Not former mayor Ed Koch. Asked to react to our findings, Koch pointed to a rise in New York niceness since the terror attacks on the city five years ago. “After 9/11, New Yorkers are more caring. They understand the shortness of life.”

The second most courteous place: prosperous Zurich, Switzerland. In a feat matched only in Stockholm, Sweden, Zurich shop assistants thanked us for our purchase in every store we visited. Old-fashioned customer service was very much in evidence.

“I am friendly to people whether they are dressed shabbily or wearing an expensive fur coat,” said Frieda Lutolf after we purchased $2 worth of chocolate from exclusive confectioners Sprungli’s. “Everyone I deal with is served attentively – even those who are rude to me.”

Swiss shopworkers’ good manners were often inspired by their pride in their work. “I have been here for 40 years,” explained tobacconist shop manager Ursula Gross. “I like it, so I have always arrived on time and always been friendly and courteous.”

T for Tolerance

Toronto, Canada, came third among our 35 cities. In the trendy Queen Street West area we were helped with a dropped folder by Mike Parsons, a 28 year old street artist. “I sit out here doing drawings all day, and I find people to be really good and cheerful. Toronto is very tolerant, very polite.”

Litigation lawyer Mark Ellis, 48, agreed. “I’ve seen more politeness in Canada than in many other places I’ve been, particularly Europe,” he told our male reporter after holding the door open in the financial district.

Still, two other European cities – Berlin, Germany, and Zagreb, Croatia – did well in out tests, tying with Sao Paulo, Brazil, for fourth place. Zagreb residents were world leaders in helping with dropped papers. Josip, aged 72, tried to bend down to pick up our female reporter’s documents despite having arthritis and a bad back. “I always help someone in trouble,” he said, “if I can!”

In Sao Paulo, even petty criminals were polite. As we brought a pair of cheap sunglasses from a trader at illegal market on 25 de Marco Street, shouts rang out that the police were coming. The merchant gathered up his goods to flee – but not before thanking us for our $2.

The region that most lacked courtesy: Asia. Eight out of nine cities in the region finished in the bottom 11.

In last place was Mumbai, where courtesy in shops was particularly lacking. When our female reporter bought a pair of plastic hair clips at a convenience store, sales assistant Shival Kumavat turned his back on her as soon as she paid. Asked why, the 31 year old was unapologetic: “Madam, I am not an educated guy. I hand goods over to the customers and that’s it.”

In a government-run supermarket, a young female employee lied that she hadn’t seen what had happened when asked why she didn’t help our reporter pick up his papers. Another worker stepped on them.

“That’s nothing,” said the store’s security guard. “In Mumbai, they’ll step over a person who has fallen in the street.”

Doors Wide Shut

What was most striking in Asia was how few people held doors open for us. Every city except Hong Long finished in the bottom ten in the rankings, and no-one had a success rate higher than 40 per cent. Many Asians simply don’t include door-holding in their notions of courtesy. “How can we measure someone’s value simply by whether they hold a door open?” observed a 19 year old student John Christopher Padilla in Manila.

Yoon Mi-ri, a 43 year old South Korean businesswoman, held open the door of a shop in Seoul only because “I often go overseas on work trips, and it’s basic manners over thee. In South Korea, people don’t pay much attention to such things.”

But we found plenty of discourteous behaviour outside Asia too. Moscow, Russia, and Bucharest, Romania, ranked as the least polite European cities. When an affluent-looking lady in her forties failed to hold a door in Moscow’s Prospekt Vernadskogo, she chided us: “I’m not a doorman. It’s not my job to hold doors. If someone gets hurt, they should be quicker on their feet.”

Not So Poor

What can we learn from our results? While two of the world’s most affluent cities – Zurich and New York – came top of our rankings, we found plenty of courtesy in poorer areas too. In Johannesburg, South Africa, our researcher concluded: “The better dressed the person, the less likely he or she was to help. This applied across the board, irrespective of race.”

Nonetheless, it was relatively prosperous cities that appeared at the top of our rankings. Charles Mosley, editor of British etiquette publisher Debrett’s, ventures this explanation: “Wealthier cities aren’t generally as crowded and competition for resources is less intense.”

But being in a hurry isn’t always a barrier to helping people. Tests carried out during morning rush hours produced almost as many positive results as those performed during off-peak hours. Gary Webber, a 46 year old British local government worker who helped gather up our papers during the London rush hour, put it down to empathy.

“You looked as if you were in a hurry. I was in a hurry. I thought, Let’s work together and get us both on our way.”

Many older people we encountered complained that courtesy was less prevalent among the young. But we found that the under-40s were, by a small margin, the most helpful of all age groups – and the over-60s the least. “The younger, the more courteous it seems,” says our researcher in Finland. “So, no more whingeing about the younger generation not being up to standard!”

Women were slightly more courteous than men and, oddly, both groups were significantly more polite towards their own sex. Some men told us they worried about patronising modern independent females. Perhaps that’s why men over 60, supposedly brought up in a more polite era, were the least likely of any group to hold a door for our female researchers.

Courtesy levels in larger shops were roughly similar to those in smaller establishments. In a Sydney, Australia, branch of Woolworths, cashier Reena had a big smile for every customer and thanked us very cheerily. But in a tiny music shop in Rome, we were ignored for ten minutes by the middle-aged shop assistant, who pretended to be busy stocktaking before he deigned to sell us a plectrum.

Globally, around 74 per cent of shop assistants said thank you. The most common reason given was that if you were nice to customers they would come back. “After the Argentine economic crisis of 2002, I would never risk losing a sale,” said Buenos Aires toyshop owner Amanda Herrera.

Fear of Crime

Our other two tests produced less heartening worldwide result. Just over half of people held doors open for us, and only one third helped pick up our papers. Many in the latter category said they were too busy or couldn’t be bothered to stop, but a significant minority was more scared of crime – or being seen as a criminal – than being rude. “I’ve heard that pickpockets use tricks like that,” said a 50 year old woman in Prague, capital of the Czech Republic. “One drops something, you help them pick it up, and their accomplice robs you while you’re not looking.”

So did the world pass our courtesy test? Overall our 35 cities showed it 55 per cent of the time. “Common courtesy is the oil that keeps society running,” says one social values expert. If so, our check of the level of the world’s courtesy suggested that, in most places, there’s plenty of oil in the engine, but some cities could use a bit of a top-up.

Credits to Simon Hemelryk