In 1966, the board game “What Shall I be? The Exciting Game of Career Girls” hit the shelves. The aim of the game was to be the first player to become a career girl. To win, you had to collect four school cards of one profession, two subject cards and two personality cards that were suitable for that profession. And what stellar professions did the winner stand to become? A teacher, airline hostess, actress, nurse, model and a ballet dancer.

It goes without saying that the exciting game of career girls has changed heaps in the past 40 years. We’re invading the workplace and even in formerly male-dominated industries like engineering, we’re strutting in with our power suits and Louboutin heels. According to the Ministry of Labour, 51 percent of women in Singapore are in the workforce, a figure not too far from other developed nations such as the US and UK, which has 56 and 53 percent of women working respectively. Despite these positive trends, we haven’t transcended gender-stereotyped limits entirely. While our real-life Game of Career Girls has expanded to include doctor, executive and a whole array of topnotch jobs, when it comes to who sits at the top of that career ladder, we’re still Barbie girls stuck in Ken’s world. Check this out: Out of the Fortune 500 companies of 2007, an annual ranking of the largest corporations in America, only 12 are led by women.

This isn’t to say that being female by default means being at the losing end. Anne Cummings, an associate professor of management at the University of Minnesota who has studied organisational behaviour and leadership styles, found that employees ranked traditionally feminine qualities of being relationship-oriented, diplomatic and good at communication as being important in leaders. However, despite this, female leaders were consistently perceived as less effective than their male counterparts. “Men are still perceived as better leaders and it has to do with what is deemed desirable in a man and in woman,” Cumming argues. Another study conducted by the University of Maine’s Business School confirms these attitudes. As much as some feminine traits were seen as desirable in employees, in leaders, socialisation and communication skills weren’t seen in the same light.

So what are these gender differences and how do they affect the way our superiors, subordinates and peers perceive our capabilities? According to a survey conducted by Development Dimensions International (DDI) on leadership, while male and females don’t differ much in capabilities, they do show significant differences in the way they feel about their skills and other workplace issues, in particular taking on positions of higher power and huger responsibilities. Explaining why these gender differences exist is tricker but to a large extent, that isn’t the point. Whether these differences are cases of nature versus nurture, sitting around contemplating why it is the case won’t get us any nearer to where we want to be individually and collectively as women.

If we are to emerge victorious in this battle of the sexes, it’s worth acknowledging that with a playing field currently dominated by men, the rules, to a certain extent, are set by them and who gets to be a star player will be judged against a set of criteria that might not include our feminine instincts. There’s no point in being the best ballerina in rugby match. But that doesn’t mean achieving success means becoming a man. The key is to reap the best of both worlds, so that your feminine instincts and masculine habits symbotically inform each other. Here are some of the most common mistakes women unknowingly make their jobs and how you can deal with them like a man.

Women tend to make the mistake of thinking that if they work hard, a promotion will happen. Angie Ng, a financial analyst has been guilty of this. “I was working extremely long hours at one point, thinking if I put in enough hours and had a good enough portfolio of work, my bosses would notice and naturally promote me. After a year, I was burnt out and the last straw was when the job went to this schmoozy guy who was half as competent. I left the company.”

Research shows that men are four times more likely to ask for money than women when a job offer is made, indicative of the more aggressive nature of men. Frankel argues that from a young age, girls are taught that being a good girl depends on them being unable to sell themselves in their career. Think about the way guys and girls react after they win a sports match. While guys make a grand show of their victory by shouting, head-butting or revving up the crowd, girls give each other hugs, go back into the licker room and scream. There’s a time and place to be modest but when people fail to notice your major accomplishments, it’s your job to rev up the crowd and bring them to people’s attention.

Tammy Ling, a director at an advertising agency, agrees that women need to do away with modesty and learn to sell themselves like men do, “When I compliment a female subordinate, one of the most common things I hear is, ‘It really wasn’t anything.’ But when I give the same compliment to a man, he looks me in the eye and says ‘Thank you’. It might be something as simple as that, but saying ‘Thank you’ is acknowledging that the task took effort and that it was successful partly because of your contribution. Men are also more likely to arrange for post-mortems with me. It not only displays a form of reflection on their work, it’s also a clever way of letting me know exactly what they did throughout the project. Ultimately, every boss has too many people under them to pay full attention to everyone. Sitting around waiting to be noticed shows a lack of tenacity. It’s as good as sitting throughout your prom waiting for someone to ask you to dance and girls like that never become prom queen.”

Tips

• Compliments from bosses are never given out flippantly, so if you do receive one, never play it down but accept it graciously instead.
• If there is a vacancy or assignment you want, don’t wait to be picked. Speak to the approriate person and make it clear not only your desire to be considered but also, what you can contribute to the project.
• At meetings, feel free to share with your colleagues how you overcame a particular problem. The key is to be subtle and to do it when appropriate. Nobody likes someone who blows her own trumpet.

When it comes to making a decision, women prefer searching for common interest, solving problems and collaborating to find win-win outcomes. The survey conducted by DDI showed that while women executives found it easy to inspire workers to perform, they found it hard to delegate tasks or make decisions that required them to assume an authoritative position. “When I became manager, I found myself having to make many decisions. Initially I though listening to what everyone had to say would make each worker feel like their opinion mattered but it got frustrating cos the more I heard other people’s input, the harder it made it for me to operate. I was too busy playing mediator to deal with the real issue at hand,” Linda Sng, a bank manager complains.

A simple generalisation here sums up the difference in styles: Men hunt, women gather. Gathering is at the crux of how women view and use power differently from men. While men tend to demonstrate a “go for the kill” mentality and try to get as much as they can through pressure and intimidation, women tend to search for common interests and collaborate to find win-win outcomes. This might root from a fear of confrontation and disapproval from others but more times than not, women end up second-guessing their decisions. Lois P.Frankel, author of Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, writes that while participative decision-making is a good thing, the inability to act without knowing what everyone thinks isn’t. There is a fine line between being a cocky person who blatantly disregards what everyone else thins and someone who isn’t confident enough to make her own decision. If you’re in a position of powe, understand that you earned that position and trust that you’re qualified to make an informed decision.

Tips

• Start with small, low-profile decisions and try acting without getting input from your superiors.
• If you feel uncomfortable, ask yourself why you feel that way. Once you get used to acting in a more independent manner, you’ll start to train yourself into thinking thoroughly about the pros and cons of a matter and have more faith in the decisions you make.

It might be that women have a reputation for being rumour-mongers and bitchy that we put in extra efforts to avoid getting involved in office politics. “When I first started working, I wanted to be known for my professionalism. I put in extra efforts to keep business strictly business, thinking that if I didn’t get close to my colleagues I’d prevent any unnecessary sticky situations. But I ended up being called boring and cold and it definitely didn’t help me advance my career,” health administrator, Mardiana reveals.

There’s difference between gossiping about the latest office affair and the business of office politics. Frankel argues that office politics is simply the business of relationships in your workplace and understanding the trade-off inherent to every relationship. If you’re not playing the game, you can’t possibly win. A successful workplace relationship, whether with a boss or coworker, is one in which you can clearly define what you have to offer and what you need or wnat from the other person. Understanding the hidden rules that govern office politics, such as why particular people are popular or why some can do no wrong in the bosses’ eyes are good ways of understanding what it takes to make it big in your firm.

Research shows that men tend to be resolvers and women, relaters. Women tend to focus on pleasing, understanding feelings and being understood, and see it as a betrayal if they actively go out to know people for their own benefit. Men as resolvers are always actively looking for solutions and taking action, so when it comes to relying on relationships to open doors for them, they’re more at ease with it. Did you really think all those pub and golf sessions were just for fun? Your career is not built in isolation. How well you do depends hugely on the relationships you build with other people and if you choose to play nice and view everyone as a friend, you’re the one who is going to exploited.

Tips

• Men approach political situations at work as they would any other negotiation. Think about what you can offer the other person and what you can get in return. Speak in a direct manner and after the issue has been settled, get on with work.
• Always think about which colleagues you should have as allies and which you should be wary of. But be careful not to alienate anyone. You never know when you’ll need their help.
• Stop telling yourself networking is a waste of time. It’s not. The more relationships you have, the more career opportunities you’re opening up for yourself.